Switzerland... How did they do it?

The content in this particular post has been on my mind for a while now. And I feel it important to share it. And also get it off my chest! My intent is not to offend, but to be honest. Does anyone know how it feels to come from a broken family? To have to continually strive to remain neutral and please everyone around them? My parents are divorced. Both are remarried. One set lives in Tennessee, the other in Arizona. Looking back, it was a lot easier to deal with than it is now. I'm not sure why. You would think that I would be able to make my own decisions (after all I am an adult) and everyone would just accept it and get over it. But... no. It isn't like that at all. Why everyone strives for my attention, I'm not really sure. Why everyone gets offended when I don't choose to do what they want me to, I'll never understand. I am trying so so hard to be my own person, to learn, to grow, and have my own life. Isn't that apart of being an adult? No matter what, someone gets upset. I can't please everyone. It just never works that way. And for the pure reason that I love my family, I still strive to do so. But I fail. Every time. I love my family. Each and every member. I really truly do not think I could describe that love. It's as impossible and the state of neutrality I strive to maintain. Does anyone understand what I go through? Can anyone empathize? I really get the fact how hurtful it is when I am forced to choose sides. I really do. Trust me. I'm the one making the decisions and I have to watch everyone get upset. I have to receive the phone calls. The emails. The texts. Why, Rachael, why? How come you chose that side this time? Do you know how much it hurts my feelings? Actually, I really do. Because it hurts my feelings. It hurts that I have to choose a side. Every time. Then it hurts even more, when I have to hear about how my decision has effected everyone else. I know what my family does for me. I know how hard everyone works to help me succeed. I could never show enough gratitude. Seriously. I also know what my family doesn't do. How unhelpful they are. Fact is, I still love all my family. Maybe I never thought that people would get so upset. I don't even know what to say or how to handle this anymore. I can't say sorry, because it does no good. I can't just email someone and tell them how I feel, because I feel no one cares. And why is it fair to me to be manipulative and send me on all these guilt trips? I don't deserve that. I never did anything. I feel like I'm in the middle of this battlefield during an enormous war. Two powerful sides. If I don't pick a side and stick with it, I'll get blown to pieces. Except in real life, my heart my blow to pieces from all this stress and heartache. You can't be a double-agent. You can't play for both teams. You can't fight for both armies. This is why I avoid telling anyone my decision for anything. Why I keep my family out of my decisions. It's the only way to stay neutral. But every now and then, things get crazy and I have to put out fires, that I apparently started, and try to bring peace again. I'm gonna be cleaning up a mess all week long. I'm gonna have some sleepless nights. It's so hard. I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable and unhappy and very stressed out. I have enough as it is. Finals are next week and I have to pack. and move. I hate it. Why can't we all get along? Why can't everyone just be happy with my decisions? Why can't everyone love me unconditionally? Why is everyone mad at me? Is it ever going to be okay? Am I ever going to be happy with this situation? I hate disappointing people. I care so much. And I know they do too, but cut me some slack. Please. It's tearing me apart.