I've gotten traveling out of my system. I think. Okay thats a lie. I am always down to travel. I guess what I am saying is for the time being, it wont be possible for me to travel anywhere beyond the limits of my current hometown. This semester is over halfway over and I have found myself thinking several times "what am I doing here? am I in the right place? the right major?"... among other things. Anyway, I just feel like this semester has been extremely trying in ways I cannot explain. It literally wore on my soul, and I feel like I sort of lost myself. Like things got dull. If you know me personally, you know I'm like this bright ray of sunshine all the time. And this semester, even though I was happy, I for some reason just couldn't shake this feeling that things were slowing down. And not in a good way. Like I needed a jumpstart. It was SO weird. I felt restricted and held down. Since my Cali trip I feel so much better, and I don't think Cali is necessarily what I needed, but I know it helped me think. I have started to be more positive. No matter what it is, I choose to make it happy and good. School is not fun, but life is still good. I choose to smile. I choose to have fun. And really, life is great. I have by no means been depressed in the slightest. I just want everyone who reads this to know that and believe it. Life just needed a little extra color. And I got it. Everything is as it should be.
I really want to try something. I have been thinking a lot about me. What defines me as a person really. All the weird things. All the normal things. So right now, I'm gonna list ten things (or however many I want I guess) about me that you may or may not know that I have noticed about myself lately.
1. I wear a lot of bracelets. I used to never. wear jewelry. seriously. It was unheard of. But last summer I just started wearing all these bracelets I already had in my jewelry box. All summer long. and I really loved them. Then when I came back to school, I lost track of them between moving and everything. I found them the other day. I now wear a lot of bracelets again. I love it. They love me.
2. I come across as very intimidating. I have been told this all semester long. This is news to me honestly. I've never thought of myself as that way, but I guess I see it? But not really. Its weird to hear that honestly. I think it might be a front. Maybe I subconsciously look intimidating so people wont talk to me or something. Or so people wont wanna fight me. Because lets face it, I dont wanna fight them.
3. I am terrible at making bets. I don't even know why I make them. I can count on one hand (to be more specific, on one finger) how many times I have actually won a legit bet. But I still find myself placing bets every chance I get. In fact, I have about 4 bets on the March Madness coming up. Cross your fingers for me. I'll be crossing all mine. as well as my toes.
4. I love Colorado so much. I realize that more and more every day I breathe. And the more I love it the more I want it to be the place I take my last breath. Maybe. But for now, yes.
5. It doesn't matter how hard I try not to be, I am still the hopeless romantic I was when I graduated high school. I suppose thats good. It's definitely a more mature hopeless romantic, but the fact still remains, I yearn to be in love and have someone love me just as much back.
6. I am and forever will be a diet coke/pepsi addict. For the record, I no longer have a preference. I take what I can get and I love it. I have cut back a lot since my younger years, going from a 44 oz a day to only one a week (sometimes two. or three.). It is just too good to completely cut out. It would seriously be like asking me to cut out chocolate for the rest of my life.
7. I recently told this secret to someone, and it had never occurred to me until that moment. I have never been the one to make the first move when it comes to kissing. Never ever. First of all, I just wont allow that. But second of all, I'm terrified. I always have been and I fear for that moment when I actually might have to make the first move. I hope it never comes.
8. I really just don't like talking on the phone. I can't really explain it, and there are maybe a handful of people (minus family) that I can talk to for more than 20 minutes. I'd rather skype, webcam, facebook, text, or email or whatever, before I have to hold a technological device up to my ears for an extended period of time.
9. My brothers are my bestest friends! I never realized it till they left and have been gone for over a year! I always said I was close to them but this semester, seriously, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. They are the best. and my besties forever. My favorites. Nobody makes me laugh like they do. If I find someone like that, they're not getting away. They're stuck with me, and my brothers, for good.
10. I really have no idea what my style is. I have tried so hard to define it and I think I just have to accept that I have no defined style. I wish I did though and I'd love some help in that department. I know I have style. I know how to make outfits work. I know how to look classy. I know how to look cute. I know how to make a look. I just think I'd like to look at my wardrobe and be able to say "I dress like ______". Is that dumb? Who cares.
Okay I think thats it. For now. I might do this a lot. Just to get it out. Because I like figuring this out. Seeing it in front of me. Its good stuff.
1 comment:
i love you rachi!
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